allerlayThe next morning I called my mother. Not suspecting anything. It was just one of those weekly calls to ask how she and my father were doing. “Your father is in hospital.” Phone calls, doctor’s appointments, nursing home visits, apartment visits followed.
If I had been loud and active on social media before, I fell silent that day. I lacked the words, which also made writing difficult for me. A tiredness spread. I lost interest in Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. Everything seemed to me too loud, too superficial, fake. Selfies of my ex-husband. Food pictures. Tweets about life. Reflected a reality that didn’t correspond to mine. That did not correspond to my inner being. Darkness spread and the inability to communicate. I was unable to express my feelings. Writing has always been the key to my soul. I lost this key at that time and found it months later, after a break in the USA.
But what didn’t return for a long time was the desire to express myself on social media. I changed from an active user to a passive reader. A year of change followed. Change that found little or no room on social media.
Meanwhile, I have been a self-employed person for year. It took me a year to sharpen my profile. To find out for myself where my strengths lie, what gives me pleasure and, of course, brings me money. This year I had very little contact via social media. HD, Ellen, Su, Mona – these are the people with whom I had contact on Facebook from time to time. Maybe a few more, but probably not.
Three weeks ago, I deleted all the data from my Facebook profile. Posts, likes, pictures, and comments from over ten years. That lightness and superficiality didn’t match the person I am today. Although I deleted the data for another reason, the deletion felt good. Because deleting also means opening the doors for a new start.
The world kept moving during my social media break. Did I miss something? Hardly. However, I learned to stop the time when needed and find myself. I am back, only quieter. And I’m looking forward to conversations that don’t just scratch the surface.